reversed eight of cups, eight of swords

It's been a long time since I updated this blog, hasn't it? I don't think anyone's reading, or anyone cares, but it did matter to me once. Since I last updated, I got a horrible job which took up most of my time. Before that, getting out of bed was a struggle because I didn't have a job and didn't see what my life was worth at that point. Now I wish I had that free time back. Funny, how that works.

Today I went to the Celestial Seasonings factory in Boulder and took the tour. It was very... corporate. The shop was cutesy and full of fun things to buy (like tea baths! oh the joy I experienced when I saw that new no ending), the factory was clean and was full of wonderful smells, but it was certainly a friendly corporate thing? I'm not sure how to put it into words. Before the tour, I thought of the company as a nice business that helped popularize tea in the US. After the tour, I have more respect for them as a company, but am in stitches over their friendly corporate message (tm). That doesn't make sense, I know. I like contradictions. Though this isn't exactly one.

Well. I feel like the reversed Eight of Cups is hanging over my head today. I'm in a haze, I'm exhausted, I'm cut off from respite, my horizons are darkened with futility. The Eight of Swords is teasing me, too, with its restriction and stagnation. Futility is the operative word, here. Though I'd like to believe a change of scenery will help with the emotional stagnation that this phase in my life has heaped upon me, I know the only thing that will help is if I change something in myself. That, or get a more fulfilling job. Which at this point would be going back to a pub to work, ugh.

The tea bath I bought is going to go in the tub tonight. I'm counting on it to ease the tension in my life, to chase the specters of these eights away. The universally agreed-upon message of these cards is that if you want to solve your problems, reach out for help. Hopefully, reaching in will be just as well.

King of Cups

King! Of! Cups!

Knight of Pentacles

Check it out, a knight! I like getting the knights because there's so damn much room for interpretation with them. They have both negative and positive traits, depending on where they appear in the reading, and they're so exemplary of the brash, young qualities in people that I like so much. And they're such wonderful examples of the traits found in Earth signs.

And now, a useful chart:
Unwavering/Stubborn
Cautious/Unadventurous
Thorough/Obsessive
Realistic/Pessimistic
Hard-Working/Grinding

So, on the positive side, this is the kind of person you'd want to see on your side. He's hard-working, determined, loyal, and thorough. If you're stuck in the middle of a problem, call upon him for aid, and he'll get you through it no matter what. On the negative side, he can be an extremely stubborn workaholic who never sees the point to anything aside from work and domesticity. He will never, ever admit that he's wrong, especially when he actually is mistaken.

When he appears, you need to ask yourself whether his energy is hurting or helping you at the moment. For me, I feel that his energy is needed, at least due to the jobless situation in which I seem to be stuck. I get the message here: it's high time that I start to work harder. Tomorrow, I suppose, I'll drop off another resume. That is, after I get a good night's sleep.

Four of Swords

At first glance, this appears to be a sort of foreboding card. It depicts a knight's tomb, one sword held over his chest, three swords hanging on the wall. But despite macabre appearances, this card is actually... rather pleasant. I know I've drawn it before, I believe for a friend, and I was just as surprised then as I am now that this card isn't about death and loneliness, but contemplation, repose, and quiet preparation.

All the cards of the swords suit can stand for some kind of challenge. This is supremely helpful when drawing cards, and you find yourself remembering the feelings the card is associated with but not exactly how to interpret them. Because of this, the Four of Swords isn't entirely positive, despite its rather peaceful energy. It's challenging you to slow down, rest, and shut the goddamn hell up.

I can safely say that I didn't entirely follow the suggestion of this card. I stayed up late when I should have gone to bed early, and now I'm tired as hell because of it.

Ace of Pentacles (repeat)

Filler. I can't believe I skipped a day yesterday. Didn't want to make it two in a row. More after I've woken up.

*

Anyway. It appears that I drew this card once before, on 2/26/08. How recently! I didn't even notice. And once again, I've drawn it on a day that I applied to a job. This time at Boulder Books, another of the big used and new bookstores around town. I'd much rather work here than at the other place, if only because the other place sells really, deeply crappy books. It claims to have a very large selection. It does. Mostly of romance novels and Left Behind books. So.

I really hope the prosperous force of the Ace of Pentacles gives me a hand here. The guy I turned my application into said that they have a generally high turnover rate, so hopefully someone will see my application and freaking hire me.

Come on Pentacles! Help a girl out!

Ten of Cups

The card of the happy family. The Rider-Waite deck shows a couple with their arms around each other, staring at a beautiful rainbow filled with golden cups as their children play nearby. The Aquarian deck depicts a man and a woman looking at each other under a rainbow, which is coming out of a cup. I'm going to assume that this means they're gay for each other. It seems like a nice, harmonious card, perhaps representing fidelity or bliss. Judging from the artwork, it's probably the minor arcana equivalent of the Lovers.

Joy, peace, and family are the keywords for this card, so I was pretty much on the ball with equivocating it to the Lovers. But I think it's probably pretty close to the Ten of Pentacles, which is another domestic harmony sort of card, albeit more linked with achievement than inner peace. Maybe I'm hitting on a theme for the tens? It can be about calling a truce or making peace, representing an end to any hostility in one's life. It can also signal a time of blessing coming up, in which your ego is harmonizing with your id or something.

A time of blessing. Oh I fucking hope so. I applied at this dream of a bookstore today, so I hope the Ten of Cups is saying that the joy coming my way is getting this damn job. Oh I hope I hope.

I'll close with this, which is what I'm really interested in for this card:

"In readings, this card often signals a time of abundant blessings. It tells you that you can reach for the fulfillment you deserve, and it will come to you. Look for ways to realize joy and create peace. You may find the key to happiness in your family. Your family is the group of people you are attached to emotionally - for better or worse! If there is trouble in your family right now, work to restore harmony. The time is right for greater closeness."

Eight of Cups

It's a damn depressing card, I'll tell you that. The image on it lets you know that what's coming isn't pretty, too, showing a cloaked figure heading off alone into the night, eight cups stacked behind him and an empty road ahead of him. Strangely, the night sky is white instead of black, and the departing man's cloak has become the road. Without checking on the meaning, I can see loneliness, weariness, a long and arduous journey, or perhaps a choice to leave it all behind.

I hit on two of the keywords, at least. Weariness, moving on, and search for a deeper meaning are the words that can help pinpoint the meaning to this card. It's about the approaching ending. To what, is unclear. It could apply to relationships, to friendships, situations, or ways of life.

I'm having trouble putting this into words, so once again, I'm turning to my main source for help.

"Moving on can mean a physical change such as leaving a job, location or relationship. It can also mean an inner change - releasing old patterns, especially those that have dominated our thoughts and emotions... Sometimes moving on can mean searching for a deeper truth or reality. One day we wake up and realize that we have been asleep in our own lives - living a dream that no longer satisfies.

Some changes can be wearying. Endings are not always easy. One of the signs of a readiness to leave is lack of energy. When you feel tired and dispirited, you know that something is wrong, and it's time for a new direction. Reexamine your life and your priorities. You will find where in your life you need to move on."

This last paragraph does ring true. I'm tired and dispirited a lot of the time. I don't know where to go or what to do, and everything seems worthless. I need to get out of this situation. I need to get a job, start leaving the apartment, and get some friends. As long as I feel like a moon circling around the planetary body of my partner, I'm not going to be happy again.

I need to get a life.